Everydays, a choice, but many believe that they don’t have one or even think about every little thing is actually a choice of their own. So many believe, getting in the life of a repeat isn’t a choice, it isn’t a choice, its a recommendation, something that you have to do. That you have to do all the things that you do, just to survive, well you don’t. But it doesn’t matter if I shout it from the roof tops, or scream it directly in your ear, you still do so many things that you so deeply don’t want to do. Theres nothing wrong with what you do, but why do you get so emotional? Why are you so reluctant to live a life that’s easy, that could be amazing if you just settled with your options. But why should I settle with what I have, when I have the ability, the chance, the choice to try and find something else. Why should anyone settle with what they have, if they aren’t truly happy with them selves. I believe, mainly think, if you aren’t happy with yourself, that has something to do with what you do within your life. the thing that you choose to do, but think its not a choice, but it is a choice. Everything has a domino affect. So if I don’t go to work, I don’t get paid. If I don’t smile, I don’t feel happy within. I think negative thoughts, then I feel shittty. If I decide to go and explore, then I see some of the world, I get an insight of different things. Everything has a domino affect.
I’m tired of being me, I’m deeply tired of feeling this burning internal, shitty inner log all the time. I don’t do anything for anyone. I don’t mean anything to anyone. I’m just invisible, but only come to life when someone want to spew all their life problems on me, or when someone doesn’t give a sugar about you at all, they take their bad temper out on me. why should I be the brunt of all this negativity. I always think before I speak, but why cant other people show the same curtsy.
This is why I prefer solitude, because the only person I have to deal with is me. Some days that even more difficult that normal, and its enough.
Maybe it is all my fault, the fact that I cant seem to open my eyes wide enough, and actually see the positivity that shimmers in others, or maybe I just choose to turn a blind eye to it all. Maybe I’m that sick in my own head, that ive become so use to being a dark soul that I crave seeing the darkness shine in others. Like a person addicted to some terrible drug.
I personally think I’m a dramtic ass