Im a emotional eater, and its a complete disaster, okay thats maybe a little dramatic but im emotional and i curb the emotional pains with food. So you can only imagine how big ive blown.
The thing is, even when im eating to try and occupy my mind of my depleteing emotions, it still doesn’t improve my mood, it doesn’t even do a thing for my mind, let a lone my body, not even a tiny fraction of an inch. Im kidding, it adds an itch to my waistline.
I don’t want to be big, Nothing wrong with being big, but i personally don’t want to be. Yet, i eat. I over load my plate every evening, well its actually a bowl because the bowls bigger and keeps everything within. I starve myself most days, all day till the evening, so that i can eat and eat. Even when the bowls empty i still continue to eat more, by making myself a dessert. I mean i wouldn’t say i eat unhealthy food. The things i mainly eat are vegetables and fruit, just lots of it. And yes sometimes biscuits and some chocolate.
Im trying to break the habit, i try, i say every night that i wont do it tomorrow, but tomorrow comes and im right back at it. Doing the same mistake as the day before, all because i feel sad, or because i feel alone, or im bored and its kinda annoying that im relying on food to make me feel better, when it doesn’t even do such a thing. Its all i can think about. The next meal, what am i going to have. Im always guilty with what i have after ive eaten it. Which just makes me feel worse, so thats why i starve myself for so long, then when i cant stop thinking about the food, im like oh bother lets have something. Im not really thinking about what im making, i just want something quick and easy so that it can get in my mouth quicker. Im that delusional, in a state that i don’t care about anything else but food. And its annoying. There has to be more to life than the next meal, yet its all i seem to be living for