I don’t want to be me anymore

I’m tired of waking up day and feeling like misery or that I don’t want to be here. I’m always feeling sad and disappointed with myself because I don’t want to be me or I don’t like what I’m doing. Yet I continuously scream at myelf internally to change, yet I don’t. I just end up messing people about. I’m tired of always feeling conflicted or emotionally confused.

Like why does life have to be ruled by emotions. Its pathetic and sick and tiring.

I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want any of it.

I cant for the life of me understand why people still try with me. Are you that bored that you feel the need to or do you just feel sorry for me.

I moan about being on my own but thats down to my own choices and my own circumstances. I have the ability to change that, but I always make up excuses. Its not nice letting people down all the time, but that’s what I do. I get tired of making the excuses, yet they don’t seem to, they think thats the norm for me, well it shouldn’t. No one should be like that. So I ask what makes you do the excuses all the time. You scream for change, yet you deny change at any given moment. So therefore you shouldn’t complain with what you have, because you are choosing to stay the same.

You don’t like letting people down, you don’t like seeing other people sad and you don’t like being the reason for other people sadness, so what are you going to do?

what are you going to do about your choices and life? Because you cant continue to belittle the way some people choose to be when you cant really talk about their choices when you aren’t exactly making any for yourself, or when you do make choices, you always feel like its the wrong thing.

So what are you going to do?

Are you going to tell the person you cant go tonight because you don’t feel like it, or are you going to tell them you’ve got other commitments or are you going to say something like; you seem like a nice person, I cant understand why you continue to talk to me when I continuously let you down. You deserve someone who wont keep continuing to cancel on you

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