Hi Letdown

Hi, that’s what I say.

Is it a hi of interested, or is it a hi of boredom, you never seem to know with me. I’m guilty, I’m a deep hypocrite.

A person who moans constantly about being led on or never knowing where I stand with people, yet in the next breath I’m only to happy to mess them about, just as they mess me about. And that isn’t cool, its actually quite nasty and disrespectful. They do say karma comes in turns, now I understand that when I get a led down, I do kinda deserve it. I’m tired of doing it though. Its not that I do it because I honestly don’t care, its because I get afraid of change or adapting or changing. I guess its because its out of my control. I cant control how things will go, I mean theres another person involved. I don’t know them, I don’t know what they are thinking or what there intentions are.

So sometimes I bail out because to me its just easier to not develop or take a chance. But staying the same doesnt get you anywhere, it leads to boredom, it leads to feeling of self shame or downright defeat. But then this is what I get for saying yes one moment then in the next breath saying no or cancelling out.

People give up on let downs, they give up on people who cancel on them all the time or make silly excuses, or don’t even explain themselves. I mean you would give up on someone eventually if they do it constantly, wouldn’t you? Then you end up complaining that you never see yourself with anyone or that you don’t have any friends to hang out with or just chill. I don’t know whether its down to my inability to trust people at face value or whether its my own insecurities of moving forward, of adapting. Its crazy how a mind can stop you from being or giving a chance on something. Its also kinda sad, but then I deserve it.

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