3rd

I’m in a tizzle and I don’t know what to do, yet I know what I should do, yet I never do what I know I should do because I’m either afraid or scared, or just plain tired. yet its all so god damn annoying. I’m tired of being this undeceive freaking person. I complain about what I have, yet in some eyes its perfectly acceptable and people would love to have what I so easily have, yet I’m deeply saddened with what I have. How do people do it. I honestly dont understand how people process life like this. and then when you talk about or try to reach for some understanding most come back with, that’s the way life is. who says that, apparently millions do and doesn’t anyone and I mean anyone find anything wrong with that. If that’s the case, we might as well as do the world and lovely planet a justice and shoot ourselves. That’s the way of life, no and no it shouldn’t be. Why do thousand of thousand live like robots. how can you do it to yourself. I literally feel dead within, and I honestly think that’s why I’m not changing because the black soul of life has literally taken over and I no longer see any light at the end of my tunnel. which makes me want to cry so bad, because I feel no hope for literally nothing and I don’t want to do life anymore because of it. yet you can never escape how you feel.

Do you know what id love to do:?

Take a break, take a break from all this mind whiling of ideas, or stories, of scenarios, of dreaming.

Take a break and just breath in some scenery, to have no time limit, to have no thoughts of someone’s waiting for me or that they’ll be worried about me, which they aren’t.

I want to escape, I hate that this darkness makes me feel like an insecure little girl

I hate that time continuously escapes, even though its noticed every day with its every minute.

How could you possible let life drift this way?

I want to be a calm person, a person that thinks yet doesn’t let those thoughts allow myself to doubt my abilities of the chances of chance that represent themselves fully in my face.

I want to be a loyal person and that is probably why I’m in the state and situation that I am in because I’m putting my loyalty in the wrong places.

I want to scream at my indecisive mind, that’s making me fall to my knees and beg to be taken out of this world. Those choices are luck and the luck should represent positive meaning but I never see anything positive.

Ah god I want to scream, I’m making so many wrong decisions, I’m making terrible life choices and I want it all gone, I want it all to stop. I want the book to end, I want none of it no more.

I’m tired of this brain

I literally see no way out

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