Annoyed love

I’m annoyed with you, if you haven’t gathered that already. I’m deeply disappointed and emotionally upset to the extend that I’m angry and annoyed with you. Why do you continuously continue to get under my skin, why do thoughts of you rattle my brain continuously, when most likely I’m not a second thought to you, I’m only an inconvenience that you tried to get away from, but you keep coming back, you always come to me when you need me to  do something for you or if you want to know something which I’m suppose to know but I never do, which you then get angry about because you think I’m keeping secrets from you, which is ridiculous. Id tell you if I knew, but yeah I don’t trust you. Nothing in the past year has given me ward to trust you, to be completely honest with you, because when I just might think I can, you do something and that something always has the ability to crush my soul, literally slicing my heart in two. Why cant things with you be easy, why are they always complicated? They don’t have to be, but its always internally frustrating with you. I have to be carful with what I  say to you, just incase you take something the wrong way. Always tiptoeing around you, yet you just let rip with whatever comes out of your mouth. I have to be thoughtful and caring around you, yet you don’t give me a second thought? Because that’s fair.

Nothings easy with you, and I’m so tired of pretending. its exhausting, because I cry with wanting a relationship or an honest steady friendship with you, yet its never going to happen, which is killing the little girl inside of me. All I want to do is to be able to let all these walls down and relax around you, but its never like that. Its always judgy, you always pass along our conversations even when I ask you in confidence. You have no loyalty. and sometimes I question the love. I’m tired of the games, I’m tired of always being frustrated and angry with you. Why cant you just be generally nice and enjoy my company, but then I guess with so many years all these doubts all theses negative feeling I have of you, probably will always make me wary of you. So why don’t I just let you go? For some reason I cant, and I wish to heaven and high that you didn’t affect me so, but you continue to do so.

All I want is genuine love

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