I’m basically going to spend this whole writing session repeating myself, which yes I am sick of but I’m still going to do it, because why not. Its suppose to be good to vent.
I’m tired, my eyes are heavy. why is that, you ask. Well I like to think its because I push myself everyday, but basically its because I don’t eat right. I mean who eats right? A healthy person! Well I’m not, and I havent been eating right for a while now that I’m suffering with my IBS and bad breath and all that jazz. But I’m always hungry even when I don’t do any exercise. I never seem to lose weight, which makes me really sad and angry because when I do try and I mean starve myself and exercise like I’m training for unimaginable marathon I don’t lose a thing. So I comfort myself and eat. My legs are defiantly trimmer due to all the walking that I do but nothing else is. Yet I get tired of obsessing over my weight and how I look. I’m not pretty, and id like to be pretty, maybe it shines through differently for different people, maybe if I was more confident but then I get deeply annoyed when I compare myself against someone else, because A I don’t want to be like them. I want to be me, but I don’t. I don’t want to be anyone else, yet I don’t like who I am most of the time.
I’m tired of fighting a continuous imaginable battle that is literally getting me nowhere.
What have I done about anything that ive previously moaned about? Urm lets see, continued on how I was, wrote different things. Ive not improved yet I’m tired of always thinking of ways to change and improve. And when I get to this stage all I want to do is shoot myself in the head and be done with it all.
I want something that I can work towards, I want something to live for, yet its always a chase.
I want to be healthy, yet I don’t think that’s ever going to be achieved.