How do you tell someone that you don’t want to carry on anymore, how do you tell someone that you don’t want to see them anymore because you cant take there kindess or generosity anymore. I feel like a fraud in my own skin, I scream wanting help yet when i have available time to sort, to plan, all i want to do is curl in a ball and just lay there, but thats ungrateful, thats not using time wisely, then i cry everyday because life goes round in a circle. I want to scream until my lungs burn, i want to stamp my feel like a sullen child, why must a new day begin, why must we do this life of a circle. Whats the purpose in this breathing, this llife? I like to say im lost, but im not am i, Im just stubborn, I just like to complain about my everyday life. I want to pack a bag, but the time isn’t right, it would make more sense to save a little more then leave, so while im saving why aren’t i spending the time that i do have, planning anything? The answer would be i don’t want to, i don’t want to leave, i just want to forget everything, i just want it all to stop. I want the time to stop ticking, i want to stop making lists that dont get achieved. I just want to stop, I want it all to go away and for everything to stop churning in my mind.
The only time i like in my life, is that unrecognised thirty seconds just when youre coming out of sleep, the dead sleep. Where you have no clue as to where you are, what day it is. You are unsure but not fully registered. Thats the second i like because i don’t think with feeling.
Im tired of all of this. Tired of writing about nothing apart from my fed up of life tendencies, it pathetic and pointless