Brutal

Today is bed day, internal utter frustration. My face is tired, the world isn’t silent and forever demanding.

You want to be great, you want to achieve, but you have no motivation, honesty or love to strive. So how do you expect to be great when you know secretly you don’t want to. You want the world to be quiet, whats so noisy in yours? Nothing but your internal inner log that has no meaning, no actual factual reference to your outside world. So why trudge up scenarios, stories, imagination when they play no part in your life and mostly never will. Why do you do it to yourself?

A rush against time continuously, always feeling like you should be doing something. Is that because you endlessly scroll through social media, seeing imagines of all other things, of what others have the ability to do. the thing is you do have the ability to do what everyone else is posting or is liking or planning, or talking about but lets be honest if it wasn’t for social media you wouldn’t even consider any of it. But we know that first had, behind taking all those photos, behind all those likes, posts, etc it doesn’t mean everything is okay.

Will this ever be okay? that is your internal agreement with yourself, because everything on the outside is okay. I’m not saying its perfect, or that we should settle, I’m just saying there is nothing wrong with it. You need to priorities with what is actually important to yourself, not the imagine you want to represent. You need to find goals that you are happy with, that they are things you want to do, not because everyone else is doing them.

I’m not writing this because I’m trying to stop you. I know you want to see the world, know more about the world, but its just random.

everything about you is random.

You just think it, then allow it to feel you, so you end up going back to the one thing that you call safe, yet its a place of pure internal frustration and confliction.

You want people to help you, yet you push them away. for someone who says they are a good listener, you don’t seem to be listening to the advice that is given. For someone who does a lot of thinking, you don’t give much thought.

Whats the point in doing all of this when you don’t want to?

You have to do something

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