I lay here burning up a fever, insides tearing into two, the feeling of a tasteless punched up soul sitting heavy at the bottom of my tongue. Mind swirls with undue thoughts once again, to make it worse it’s at an unreasonable time, banging on hells door, making no sense what so ever, manifest with the skulls throb of a ranging headache, stomach doing unreasonable things for ungodly reasons.
Why do we think sad thoughts when there is no reasons too. Why do we always put the negative spin on a reasonable life that could be quiet comfortable living with? Why do we humans have to make things far more complicated, with opinions that make no sense or have no under lining meaning? Why do we voice unnecessary things, when there’s no need to? Why do we cage ourselves in a predicament, a place that we don’t really want to be in but we end up staying in that place a lot longer than we ever intended. Why do you have such a problem with time? Why do you worry about unnecessary things, always worried that what comes out of your mouth will make you feel embarrassed or ashamed.? Why should it matter what others think of you, when you’ve lived such a solitude life, with your own doing? Why does it bother you now, to an extent that you no longer sleep properly and that you eat to comfort the soul that so heavy with an inner conflict that doesn’t even make sense to your own self being. Why do we do this? When we are so fed up and tired of having these annoying self pity internal inner log all the time? Why do you always go out of your way to make me feel like a miserable loser, as if i have nothing to be grateful for? Why does the soul have to continuously feel so heavy, have to be an annoying narrator, telling/whispering things in my ear, making me feel that the words that go in my mind are true. Like; that I’m rude because I don’t talk to anyone or that I don’t know how to converse or feel that when I am talking to someone I don’t actual want to be there in the moment in the time, because my focus is so poor. Why do my eyes feel so weighty when they don’t even lift weights? Why do I feel so young with all this unnecessary conflict? Why do we continue to do this when I know so clearly that you no longer what to do this? Why make things so difficult for yourself, why make your soul feel so heavy, make your eyes hurt with held back tears, when you so clearly don’t want to this anymore? What are you hoping for, in a situation that’s never going to change, but only you will as you hold the compass to your starting key. Why do this to yourself? Why hold yourself back all the time? Continuously never changing because you are afraid of letting people in, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of letting go and being okay, afraid of getting lost and exploring. All this undue fear pisses me off. You’ll always be on your own yet that’s what holds you back, yet it’s silly and I’m tired of talking about it and trying to explain it to you. I tell you everyday don’t do a repeat, but you just end up doing it in a round about way.