Tiredness, life of repeat

arent you tired? Because I am, so tired of this false pretence that I could weep for years, have my whole body tremble with such misery. It consumes me so, so much that I no longer have hope out of this bleak darkened tunnel. I’m tired of this false pretence. I’m tired of getting up everyday, the crack of dawn calling, the filter of motivation of automatic, depanding that I go for a walk, to count endlesss steps until and hour and a half have past. To tremble slowly back to the place called home, to then push myself through the motions of getting ready for work, a place that I do not want to attend, but if you want things, things that require money or the basics of surviving you have to attend the motions of work. I do, but not always and even in days of unsuccess, I still feel tired. Like an old shrew where your body creaks, with a mind that feels so bleak. How do you get out of feeling such despair at the life that you’ve created, a life of endless tiredness of repeat? Every days the same, no joy in knowing that simple thing, no feeling of comfort or excitement runs through my blood. What could possibly make a human feel so good? I know you can’t feel great a hundred percent of the time but what could possibly give a human hope, to feel something good at least eighty percent of the time? Is there even such a thing? My shoulders continuously feel heavy with an unknown weight. A weight of what I might ask? What do I do that is so wrong for me to feel like a deflated balloon on a lifeless string that has no meaning. Why won’t you let me scream at the top of the mountain, surround myself in the woods of ever green? Oh you say, that won’t make a difference my dear you’re destined for a life of misery because you expect so much for so little that you put in. You’ve created this world for you, no One else’s fault but your own for your own happiness. People can’t make you happy, just change the way you process, the way you see thing and be a little more open and then maybe you might have a chance in happiness. Oh how you make me weep with such sadness at such an expectation. I’ll never be able to do that and you know. You know, that’s why you say such words to make me feel no hope at all. A life of tiredness repeat.

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