Oh Hi

Trying to inject myself with some motivational happiness is a tough one today, I don’t even think a slap would qualify. The fact that I think I’m on a turn for a emotional breakdown isn’t exactly great. No one wants to see that, but the timing is never justified. If it happens its going to happen.

I have no wave for life today, or yesterday, so I’m guessing tomorrow is going to be extra hard, and the thoughts of next week isn’t exactly the most pleasant feelings. I ask myself constantly why do i do things/ or decide to do things. I’ve put myself down to do a bootcamp, which is all outdoors somewhere down on the coast. All I’ve got is, why Abby? Seriously? It’s not like I’m fat. I can see my reason to doing it without much thoughts I need to get motivated again, I need to move, to get a push, to feel some pain. But in the current state I’m feeling, I don’t even have energy to be there, let alone muster some forced enthusiasm. It’s going to be cold, constant physical activity. It probably won’t be that bad, but well I don’t really need it, but I need something.

As you can tell from my writing, I’m lost, once again. I feel like I’m repeating myself. This is why I hate myself. So contradictory to everything

I want to be like, i don’t really, “Hey babe, how’s it going” Energy to jump up and down, to have a natural smile upon my face, to converse with people on interesting topics.

But nah

 

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