Hey you, Hows it going? Life treating you well? Thats a funny question though, don’t you think. ‘Life treating you well’ That implies that life leads you, when in fact you lead the life that you decide to live. So my dearest honey, why did you come back? Have you got over that what you imagined would happen, isn’t going to happen, yet, or is that going to take another three months of sour feelings?
Knock Knock, whos there? You, and only you. You hold the key to life. You dish out advice and always there to hold someone elses hand. Why don’t you take hold of your own hand and just flee into the world that swirls inside your mind and actually live a little. There always seems to be cages with you. Youve always got something locked away, or hidden. Dont you get tired of being a negative twiddle. I mean, im not trying to be mean. At the end of the day im the only one who actually gets it, Im the one who lives with you constantly and your always tying me down. I ask daily, as you might know, what are you stopping for? Nothing comes to you, No ones going to live for you. I do know thats what you wish for, someone to come along and live it with you, to push you into life and feeling and breath. But my dear honey its not going to happen. Im not softening the blow anymore. You just have to simply do it, whether you want to or not. I know its mainly a no, but if you always say no and achieve nothing with the time that you are presented you aren’t going to be anything. Yes i know youve achieve and done so much this year, but the feelings are the same. All because you wont embrace. You feel as if this year wasn’t an achievement, but let me tell you something. If you hadn’t said yes to the travels you wouldn’t be anywhere, you wouldn’t have seen the amazing Whitsundays, or the clear lake of lake some or other on frazier island. You wouldn’t have met two people who made and tried to make you happy. You wouldn’t have bonded with someone. You wouldn’t have fed a kangaroo or went on an elephant. You wouldn’t have climbed the tallest building in dubai. The world is such a big place and you yes you don’t have a big place in the world, but life is your world. You are what you want to be. You repeatly say you know longer want to be the misery, the anger that shimmers with no control, you want to be able to breathe and enjoy, but its you holding onto that key of destruction.
My dear, your reluctant to grow is so easy to see. Your reluctant to grow up is far clearer than ever before. Its accepting that. No one wants to grow up, you certainly cant be peter pan no longer, not that you ever where. You just have too, its better to accept that than go through it all with dragging feet like a reluctant child.
I know you hate me with a passion of late. I know you don’t want to be told any of this or hear any of this. All you want to do is cuddle in a ball in the warmth of your bed. But your bed brings you nothing.
I love you