Its been a while since I last wrote, its been a while since ive even felt like doing it
The travels were fun and different, now home to a live of before.
I’m not the same yet I’m acting the same, complicated ways
Ive not been well, both physically and mentally. Which are both things I came back for, Both things I deeply wanted to achieve.
Its now in fact gone the opposite, not exactly sure if its got worse. But that’s all my own doing.
You can love yourself and hate yourself so deeply, its quite intriguing to realise how powerful you can be and feel about your one self.
I have achieved a lot since being back, yet at the same time I feel like I have achieved nothing apart from walking back into the past. That was my choosing. I don’t regret, lifes about making choices, mistakes, life experiences – whatever you want to call them.
The funny thing, not actually funny, is I’m the type of person who takes things for granted and doesn’t truly appreciate what I have at the time, in the moment. Again no one to blame but myself.
I’m pretty sure I’m on a loose end.
As well as coming back for health reasons, I came back thinking id have a better social life style than when I left. One thing you should always remember, nothing ever changes /….. unless you change, complication. I received more messages from home people when I was away than when I was in home town. Messages of the likes of meeting up etc, followed through to now dead ends, because apparently you only matter when youre thousand of miles away.
I guess it boils down to the type of person that I am, and what I want to be.
Of late, the answers been pretty much nothing. I don’t predictably want to be a person and I don’t really fancy participating, but If I give up, I wont have anything. I’m quite lucky to have anything to be honest. Maybe this is all due to lack of iron and vitamin b12, or a loose mind. I just feel like my bodys here, but my mind and spirit are somewhere else, but where…
If only they had a harsh motivational school to go too. Someone who could punch or put me in line for a time or too.