The blah blah hhhh urgh

So what’s Ifs that emotion again, you know the one I mean right? The one where you are between the urgh and dickhead feeling stage of lost. Like the questions of reality come running through, which just makes thinks a hundred times worse. Then your like really! The classic saying. I mean I don’t even know what I’m really doing or how I’m actually feeling. Maybe that’s life or maybe it’s me being so undeceive with life once again I end up feeling like bashing my head against a work top, but that won’t achieve anything or will it?

One minute I’m like I know what I want and all that blah, then in the next breath I’m thinking, what the hell am I doing. Because I mean what am I doing?!? Like seriously, someone please point me in a direction that’s other than breathing. I’ve learnt a lot, I’ve realised a lot, but just because those things have happened doesn’t mean things are going to change, does it?

I still feel like a Moran.

I want to be physically and mentally fit. I want motivation and ambitions. They can only be achieved by your oneself.

The thing I’ve learnt is life it is bloody lonely.

I’m not searching for my next husband, not that I’ve ever had one, unless someone forgot to inform me. I’m not searching for my next bum buddy. I just want good bloody company. Someone you can have a decent conversation, someone with similar goals and mindset. But it’s bloody hard. I don’t exactly have the communication cards running for me.

Just looking for a right hand.

I mean I can do everything I desire on my own but where’s the fun in that, where’s the sharing and rubbish.

People are the thing that matters, I just don’t feel confident within myself to be the person I’d like to be.

I’m such a smothering Moran that I never play the cards right.

What am I doing

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