Blink

How many times do you blink before you can’t blink anymore? One, two? Tears stream down making them sticky. Throat closes till you feel like your dying of thirst. At a dollar each bottle pretty sure you would. It’s been emotional. Every step has been emotional, for someone who isn’t intune with her emotions or pretty much doesn’t like to acknowledge them. It’s harder. It really doesn’t have to be this hard. Guess that’s why I push people away and made the life is solo harder than it has to be. I think this is one of my regrets. Leaving to travel before actually facing my emotions. Sight seeing is great don’t get me wrong, being here is a dream and I’m living the sights, the places, sometimes the atmospheres. But to be honest when you live in your own world for so long it’s hard to connect to the world, a world that has potential. Maybe I’m just being too difficult when I don’t have too. Maybe I’m panicking and expecting too much out of a life that in some cases won’t even touch the many people around me. To me there is a lot of travellers, mainly in the day, look pretty sad and lost, but at night everyone’s happy because they are intoxicated with something. It’s a great way to meet people for a fleeting second or too but I’m kinda tired of people, feeling like, people flitter through my life. That’s my fault I guess, like I said I’m not in tune with my emotions therefore I’m hurting myself as well as depriving myself of a wonderful happy chilled out life. Then again I am living a happy chilled out life I just don’t feel it. To be honest this isn’t exactly what I thought travelling would be like. It doesn’t even feel like travelling, just holiday-ing one place for a while. Then going to a next destination while you eat food, see the sea in a different light and watch your money twiddle. I hought travelling would be more on the move, constantly doing things being with different people. In some sense we’ve done that, it’s just been a very chilled laid back out look with it. Don’t get me wrong some days it’s been extremely tiring and o ask myself why am I doing this. Some days it’s been mind numbing. I’m not exactly sure what I want in life, maybe something with a little more stamina, something I can find a passion in therefore I can thrive in. Ah expecting too much, should just be great full I’m a life. I guess I just need to embrace the good nights. I’ve had a few but only two standout and they happen to be when I’m intoxicated. Nothing wrong with that, it’s just I want to be able to be free, relaxed in the day time. Guess I’ll just have to let the emotions out. But don’t you think it’s a little weird seeing someone who’s alone with tears glistening in her eye, watching her to try and contain yet she looks like a serial killer because she looks like she’s literally loosing it. Ah wouldn’t it be great to just see a friendly faceThe one thing I do hate about travelling is the freaking backpack. Nothing wrong with it, I just like using the word hate for something. With a passion I do hate living out of bag, it’s slightly annoying. It’s a pain to carry, as its heavy but then I ask myself. Why is it so heavy? It doesnt have a lot of choices in clothes so why so heavy? Maybe I’m just weak. It’s so tempting to ditch the bag, if I was a millionaire I would. But I need clothes, apparently. It’s just so tempting, and with being on your own you have to literally take it every where you go. So if your waiting for the bus and need to the loo, well hello bag please join. 

So I guess with these words I shall depart for a day or two or maybe a few hours. Wonder what I’ll be doing 

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