Night with the out

Just casually out at night, the rarity of life that is. We all go out to have fun, right? Maybe to drown our sorrows with pints of alcohol. Maybe to feel a connection with the common world within a similar atmosphere. Maybe it’s simply to meet someone. Maybe you go out just to let your hair down after a hard long eight hour shift. Who knows why many of us go out. The list of possibilities, reasons are endless. I’m not exactly hundred percent sure why I go out myself. Without the glasses/ specs I’m pretty much on the lane of squint. Therefore I’m more or less blind, especially in flashy lights. I’m also pretty much deaf. It’s not that I don’t listen or hear what people are saying. Who am I kidding! What did you just say?!? For some reason, Unknown to myself. I seem to have this thing called selective hearing. Whether it’s due to be not usually being a social bunny or the fact that my ears haven’t been cleaned in almost a year. Ha I don’t exactly hear too well. So it’s no wonder people look at me blankly or I just tend to nod in the, I think right way, or simply smile with a force I don’t tend to really feel unless I’m absolutely rammed faced off the earth that I can’t even remember my name. We all know I’m no social bunny. I don’t exactly go hopping around making new friends and sharing out my carrots. So the night out in life was a new one for me last night. Basically if you drink a lot Abby you won’t feel so much, nor will you have to think. Just be buzzed enough that you feel confident bobbing to some music you’ve not got a clue what it is. So that’s what I did. Wouldnt exactly go out on my own. A girl, in my eyes, a very single girl is vulnerable to the vultures of the lions. They come out at night. Like most nights apparently. Didn’t know that! They hunt the dancing victims and see with their wide glowie eyes, seeing the most culpable girl out their. Once found you can not escape the claws. 

I’m not sure If I have anxiety or some made up pressure point in my head. But I get… Wouldn’t say vulnerable but I’m not sure what the word is. The panic starts, I just want to leave, but you can’t leave because youre out, you can’t find the person you’ve come with. You don’t really know where you are, you do but you’re panicking. There’s a guy looking at you with something in his eye, the stare. You can’t hear properly, selective hearing. You don’t talk to people for this one reason. So you’re pretty much in a situation where you are literally screwed with the ‘what the freak do I do now!’ You just go with it. All lanes go. Get me outta here. But that leaves you with walking back with the guy. Not such a problem, it’s just it requires for me to talk. Therefore to talk I have to listen, but ive got this blocked ear thing going on. Hello, slightly annoying because I want to hear what you have to say. It’s just I’m not really catching the words, and there’s only so many times you can say pardon, right. Maybe I’m just a rude bitch. Who knows. All I know, I just feel like one. The only way you can possibly connect with someone is to hear them out. I’m not really hearing. Rude, right? So the vultures came. Sometimes makes you wish for the girl power to come along, shine the light and bingo. Shake those asses. I’m not sure if its a lady thing or just a me. But when girls meet a girl on a solo night out. They either have the guards up, I don’t want to know you or they don’t really want to know you they want to know who youre with. To be honest I never know what to talk to a girl about, ha. Anyone in general really. Girls tend to bond over make up, perfume, the latest diet or something girl. I’m just like a squashed sardine in a tin. I don’t wear makeup, don’t exactly feel comfortable painting thy face. I don’t wear perfume, the fumes tickle my nostrils. Don’t really understand diets or anything in general to be honest. I’m like blonde Barbie, only good on a night out if there’s music otherwise it’s awkward as hell. No music, no dancing. Agh. How do you feel? Slightly sugartised. The world of communication is big for world life, especially on occasions of nighting. I think I’m too screwed for life communications. Gold help me all 

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