It’s running wild. Things are changing and all I can think, keep asking myself, is this really happening, part of it feels like my life’s coming to an end aka dying. Guess in some sense I am. To grow you have to shed some of your old self. Scary I know, but that’s part of life. Of late, past month or so, I’ve felt like I haven’t been living, like part of me has, functioning, just watching myself from the side lines. I’ve also noticed time more, think that’s due to day counting. You’re presented with same amount of time each day, what’s you do with it is upto you. Even with the counting clock I still don’t do half the things I like. You’d think it would motivate me more. My chant for the days has been ‘no one gives a shit, only you do’ it’s true to some extent. You live life for yourself. You are the only one having to live with the choices you make, with the remind in your head. So why should you love your life constantly thinking about other people or being too aware of other people. If you want to something, and that something either turns out to make you look stupid or a disappointment in some eyes, at least you can say I wanted it, I tried it, I did it. You won’t be wanting what if, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. It’s funny my minds a complete mess, yet to others I’m the best I’ve ever been yet I don’t feel it. Time will change. Whether it’s for the right of your choices, guess you’ll never know. Finding ways to express your life. Just because someone says something doesn’t mean it’s true. Not all photos are what they seem. The last ting I’d want to do is lose my self but you have to grow. Throw yourself into independence which no one is ever ready for but that’s what life is all about, right? Learning yourself becoming something or someone. Sometimes it’s better to watch from the side lines but then life gets boring. So I’m putting myself out there into the baskets of living, whether it will feel like the right thing or not is another question.
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