I’ve got a future. A very adventurous one! It’s happening this year, time to travel and all. Experience life in different terms.

So I ask myself why do I wake up sad? When I have no means to be sad.

(Always repeating)

Why do I feel bone weary sad, when my future for this year looks fun.

Why can’t I simply embrace it, and hum with excitement.

Why does blackness/ darkness hover so closely that I can feel it pulling me.

Why do I always come back to this selfishness?

I mean for godsake I’ve been given this opportunity, an amazing one. Im about to travel to many places. All Im doing is being a miserable git.

(Wheres the pill?!)

The amount of times I want to punch myself is unbelievable. So the satisfaction of punching walls will do, but it doesn’t take away this…..

Im not even sure what to call it. Internal struggle? The ass emotion? Down right depressing? The emptiness that sucks life?

It just sucks. Big ass sucks. And I’ve had enough.

Im not just ruining my life, Im ruining everyone elses. All I can think, How many more lifes will my darkness touch in the coming year?

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