There’s a lot to realise, but the important thing is I do realise.
You realise that if you want to succeed or accomplish anything, you have to set your mind to it. You have to believe in yourself that you can achieve. To get to the end goal, you simply have to set up goals. I realise that.
You realise that it’s only you, yourself, that you punish when you stop yourself from doing the simply things that could possibly bring you pleasure. You realise that every time you back out on an adventure or activity that you dream of doing, you are only letting yourself down. You realise that when you imagine yourself being around people, having fun, speaking to someone openly, without no fear, that you stop yourself making friends, because of your blockade. I realise that.
You realise that to be the person you want to become, you have to overcome the fears that you allow to block your process. You realise that the only person stopping you, keeping yourself in, not letting go of whatever happens to be holding you in a still place, is simply yourself. You realise that you let yourself live in a bubble of fear, because you believe that if people knew you, that there wouldn’t be much to know. You realise that you need to let people in, but you don’t because its one of your fears. You realise that you are afraid of letting people, family, anyone in, because you are afraid that they wont accept you for who you are, or for who you become. You realise that you don’t tell people your problems because you feel that no one cares, that no one wants to hear about it, because you feel like it is nothing. That what you say is nothing, as you continue to doubt yourself, as you feel like you are not intelligent.
You realise that to have a conversation, that you have to be open minded, that you have to share. You don’t, because you’ve limited yourself to only being open to your own opinions.
You realise a lot of things. You are aware of many things. You realise that a lot has to change, to change yourself. You realise that you give out advice, advice that you should heed yourself, but you don’t, because you find it harder to do than say what needs to be done. You realise that if you let yourself go, became open minded, you would be a different person. You realise that you want to change, but you continue to live in the fear that you created.
I realise that.