The chaotic atmosphere, hundreds of voices fill up the silence. The looks of waiting to be served, of not being served quick enough to their liking, the impatient stares. The signals of I’m next, not that guy in front. Selection of easy meals turned into an essay, as they want nothing of the meal, a part from one thing. The unknown drinks demanded to be made in the simplest of seconds. The customer telling you how to pour a beer right, because well the staff never told you how. The running around, feeling the added pressure of thousands of eyes, demanding you. The simpleness of being busy. I miss it. I miss making a mess out of the orders. I miss forgetting to take table numbers. I miss making the drinks wrong, and having sticky hands from all the ale. I miss the noise, of thousands of voices, of the odd high pitched laugh. Just simply being in an atmosphere where people are enjoying their lifes. Most of all, I miss working nights. Starting at six and finish at four in the morning, feeling as if I’ve achieved something even though I made a thousand mistakes. I miss the bar.

Being me.

I miss the early rise of motivation. Taking my energetic body for a walk at five o’clock in the morning. Walking miles that seemed endless, but only ending up walking for a few hours. Coming home all refreshed, feeling simply good to start the day.

I miss the fact that id spend endless time on my own, take myself of into the woods to read a novel, never giving a thought to how people thought of me. I miss the fact that I was content with who I was. That id go to the cinema on my own, not stopping myself from doing something I wanted, not having to wait to do it with another person. I miss the fact that I simply did it, no matter what. I miss the fact that I was confident in going out in my slouch pants, now I always make sure that I’m wearing my jeans, even if it’s for a five min drop into the shops. I miss the fact that I was happy with being silent for a day or two. Now I cant go a day without hearing someone’s voice other than my own. I miss the fact that I could simply shrug someone’s disappointment off, Now it hurts too much to take in their words.

Miss the fact that I wasn’t obsessed with my body. That I was content in the way I looked, not caring how others see me. I miss the fact that Id randomly go off for a run, just because I felt like and it made me feel good. Now I’m too aware if not gone to the gym.

Miss the part where I wasn’t always on my phone, I could go hours, days, without looking on any social media sites. All I seem to do now is look at my phone, hoping that something exciting will show up.

I miss the before.

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