Never doubt the love that I gave you, it was freely given.

Never doubt the time I spent with you, it was a pleasure to be in your company.

I loved you, I still love you.

I miss you when I go to sleep

You were my strong point when I was at my lowest. You gave me invisible strength

You lifted my soul so easily, just by seeing your face, being in your company.

Cant believe you are gone.

That I’ll never see your face again, never get to feel the softness of your coat underneath my palm.

You were the light for my harsh days.

You were my star on my low days.

You were my motivation.

The thought of not seeing you again makes me choke on my own breath.

Decision was hard, hardest one I’ve ever had to make, but I could no longer bare the thought of you in discomfort. No longer enjoying the life that you use to love so much.

Maybe there was more I could have done for you, but no matter how much I searched, no matter the amount, nothing kept away the discomfort, sadness with you.

Oh Alf,

Im destroyed, an utter complete mess. I keep repeating the past. I know full well that I gave up on you, because I could no longer see you suffer. I gave up on you because I simply want to give up on me. Im utterly useless, I want to give up, when I could be something, become something but I simply choose to be a misery. I choose to close myself off and not explore, I choose to constantly be disappointed in myself. I know I can change but I just cant do this. I get that theres no such thing as I cant, its more of I wont than anything. I keep making mistakes, annoying mistakes. Making myself insane by becoming the person that I am. I need to erase myself. I need a shot of removal.



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