You hurt me
I simply say you hurt me, you’ve destroyed me beyond a hello. You’ve messed with me and now I’m hurt. Why should I be hurt when I didn’t even care enough about you to even say something. Oh wait, maybe I did care. Maybe that’s why it explains so many things. The simple of vibration from my phone, hoping that it’s you. Maybe it’s the fact that I look for you in everywhere I go. Maybe it’s the fact that I simply can’t get over that you are just the same. You are the same as the one before. You are the same in the way you treated me, even when I said no. Maybe it’s the fact that whatever I happen to say in any given situation no one simply listens to me. So I’d like to say you hurt me. I feel hurt. But the only person that’s hurting is me, because well, I’ve simply gone and hurt myself. I let you in, even if you don’t see it that way. I let you in, in a matter of fact through the entry between my thighs. That’s gotta mean something considering I don’t do that for anyone. In some sense I cared for you, I thought about you, aka, I shared something with you, even though I wasn’t 100% committed. But that’s me, mainly doing things to please others. Finishing within seconds, no pleasing others, just yourself. I’d like to say as always but then again I didn’t really know you.
Like the time when I had a best friend, who I loved like a girl sister, showing you in gifts, making things happen. Going places together and having a laugh. I went out for you, when I much preferred to stay in and watch movies with you. I leant you money, which I’ve never had back. I told you things that I’ve never told another soul. I let you in, I seriously let you in. You broke me. Broke to the fact that I say your name when I’m incredibly drunk. I think about you every day, in the sense that I wish you were here sharing this moment in time with me. I’m proud of you, for who you are and for who you’ve become, better without me. But what about me, what about all the things I did for you, do they mean nothing to you. Well they obviously don’t mean a thing, because you no longer talk to me in the way we use to talk. We no longer see one another because I’m just not cool enough for you, but you see everyone else. I’m always second best and now I’m simply nothing. Nothing to the content that you no longer you use me, but there’s always someone else.
Like the girl with empty promises, the girl I give endless second chances too, because I simply can’t live alone, and you are all that I have to a reality. You promise and promise, so many times that I always believe you, because it would be so nice to see a face other than my reflection. You’ve achieved so much in a woman can, you’ve become a mother, grown to responsibilities but you only need me when you need something. You constantly shower me in empty promises, big grown up promise, which have now turned into a shrug, because I can no longer stand the no shows, but I still go. I still go in hopes of something, only to let myself down, because I believed you’d be there. A friend is an equal footing, being there for one another. Not just me being here for you. What about me? What about when I need someone to hear me out. But don’t worry I never let you in because you don’t really care. I can no longer believe a thing you say, it just messes with my head too much.
A head that now is my constant companion. A heart that breaks every time I see my reflection. I’m not who I want to be. But I’m everything I could possibly be. My emotions give me so many whiplashes that I no longer feel the pain, but I crave something more dark more sinister.
I’d like to punch every wall, picturing every chat up line that some guy can give. The stupid words that you men write, won’t get you anywhere, because what you say is not what you mean. No one actually wants to get to know me, no one actually wants to discover me or take the time to learn my ways. They just want a quick finish to the end goal, because well no one in this generation takes the time to realise that life worth living is one that’s worth sharing.